The Bali Toilet Hose

One of Bali’s greatest inventions is not the infinity pool, the floating breakfast or the scooter carrying an entire family and half a furniture shop.

It is the toilet hose.

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“What a bunch of dirty buggers we are, thinking dry toilet paper is enough.”

Before I first travelled to Southeast Asia, I never gave toilet paper much thought.

You went to the toilet, wiped yourself with dry paper and continued with your day, apparently satisfied that the situation had been properly dealt with.

Then I discovered the toilet hose.

Ever since then, whenever I return to Europe or another part of the Western world, I find myself entering the bathroom, looking beside the toilet and thinking:

Is that it? Just paper?

A slightly disgusting, but convincing, argument

I once heard an example in a film. I cannot remember which film, but the argument stayed with me.

Imagine you are walking down the street and you trip. Unfortunately, your hand lands directly in a pile of dog mess.

Would you take a few sheets of dry toilet paper, wipe your hand and say:

“There we go. Perfectly clean.”

Of course you wouldn’t.

You would wash your hand thoroughly with water and soap. You might wash it twice. You might reconsider every decision that led you to that moment.

And yet, when it comes to another part of the body, much of the Western world has somehow decided that a little dry paper is perfectly adequate.

It isn’t.

Meet the “bum gun”

The small hose beside most toilets in Bali is often affectionately known as the bum gun.

The name may not be elegant, but it is remarkably accurate.

It is a handheld water spray used to clean yourself after going to the toilet. Once you get used to it, it feels considerably cleaner and more logical than relying on dry paper alone.

There is, however, a small learning curve.

⚠️ First-time user warning

The water pressure may be stronger than expected.

Do not squeeze the handle as hard as possible on your first attempt. That can turn a peaceful bathroom visit into something resembling an emergency scene from an action film.

Test the pressure gently first.

How to use the toilet hose

1. Remain seated. This is not the moment to stand up and begin experimenting with angles. Remaining seated helps keep the water inside the toilet area rather than on the walls, floor, towels and ceiling.
2. Test the pressure. Point the hose downward and squeeze the handle gently. Different hoses have different levels of pressure. Some offer a gentle stream. Others appear to have been designed for riot control.
3. Clean with water. Aim carefully and use the water to clean yourself properly. The hose does the actual cleaning. Toilet paper is only needed afterwards for drying.
4. Pat yourself dry. Take a small amount of toilet paper, fold or bundle it, and gently pat yourself dry. There is no need to use half the roll.
5. Put the paper in the bin. Do not flush large amounts of toilet paper down the toilet. Use the covered bathroom bin instead. Our housekeeping team empties it regularly.

Why does the paper go in the bin?

This can feel unusual to guests from countries where toilet paper is always flushed.

However, plumbing systems in Bali can be more sensitive than those in many Western countries. Large amounts of toilet paper can cause blockages.

That is unpleasant for you. It is unpleasant for our staff. And it is particularly unpleasant for the unfortunate person who eventually has to solve the problem.

The good news

If you clean yourself properly with the hose and use the paper only for drying, the paper placed in the bin should be relatively clean.

The hose has already done the difficult part.

Please don’t use the towels

We provide bathroom towels, but please do not use shared hand towels for this particular purpose.

Nobody wants to stand beside a bathroom sink wondering whether a small towel has previously enjoyed a much more intimate relationship with another guest.

Use a little toilet paper to dry yourself instead. It is easier, cleaner and far less mysterious.

The simple rules

Do

• Test the water pressure first
• Remain seated while using the hose
• Use water to clean yourself properly
• Use a small amount of paper to dry
• Place the used paper in the covered bin

Please don’t

• Spray the entire bathroom
• Use the hand towels
• Flush large quantities of paper
• Attempt to defeat the plumbing through confidence and determination

The plumbing usually wins.

You may never want to go back

The toilet hose can seem strange at first, but most people become comfortable with it surprisingly quickly.

Then something unexpected happens. You return home, enter a bathroom and notice there is no hose beside the toilet.

Suddenly, the facilities seem incomplete. Primitive, even.

You look at the lonely roll of dry paper and think:

“Is that really all you’re giving me?”

That is the danger of the Bali toilet hose.

Once you experience the unmistakable feeling of being properly clean, toilet paper alone begins to feel like a rather questionable compromise.

So use the hose. Start gently. Keep the water inside the bathroom. Use a little paper to dry yourself, and place that paper in the bin.

Your bottom, and our plumbing, will thank you.

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The Bali takeaway

Water cleans. Paper dries. The bin protects the plumbing.

It really is that simple.